How Adoption Changed My Life
To recognize the last day of National Adoption Month, CCAI asked former Foster Youth Intern, Marchelle Roberts, to write about how adoption has impacted her life.
I was adopted when I was 12 years old and it truly changed my life. After having suffered the loss of my younger brother through sibling separation, I looked to adoption as a way for me to keep my younger sister with me. I knew my adoptive mother loved us before she even adopted us, but I also knew that the foster care system had its ways of taking things from me and I didn’t want my sister to be another one of those things.
Being placed with my adoptive mother saved me from sexual and emotional abuse that I had suffered in foster homes before and I knew that I wanted to continue living a stable life with my sister. After three years of being her foster child, when my adoptive mother asked if I would be okay with being adopted the first thought I had was “Of course!” I had already felt so much a part of the family but she explained that certain things would change and the love she had for us would only grow. With my and my sister’s adoption, on the same day, at the same time, came new names and a fresh start.
Being a permanent part of the Roberts family, I was given so many opportunities that I most likely would not have been afforded as a foster child. I traveled out of the country on numerous occasions, worked as a youth mentor and volunteered my time in the city of Camden. Now, at 23 years old, I am the oldest of nine children, eight of whom are adopted. I graduated high school at the top of my class and I am currently a soon-to-be Temple University graduate. I feel that I am truly blessed to have had a second chance at life and I thank my mother almost every day for saving my siblings and me.
I also have never referred to her so much as my “adoptive mother” because she never made me or my siblings feel like anything less than her children. She opened her heart at the age of 21 to her first foster/adoptive child and never ceases to prove her love for all of us.
When I think back to the day I was adopted, I remember hugging my sister, who was a tiny one-year-old, and feeling a sense of comfort and relief; relief because I no longer had to fear being taken away or losing my sister. I know that adoption is not always the answer for every child or every situation, but I also know that adoption saved my life, and gave me a better future.
It’s official!
In celebration of National Adoption Month, CCAI asked former Foster Youth Intern, Ashley Lepse, to share about the day the judge and her family finalized her adoption.
“Can I hit it again?!” I asked the judge as I held the gavel with excitement. I had been anticipating this day for four years, and wanted to make sure it was official—I would forever more be a Lepse. “Sure,” she said smiling with compassion in her eyes. I hit the gavel one more time and the courtroom exploded with clapping and cheering.
It was official, my siblings and I were apart of the Lepse family.
We walked off the stage and into our family’s arms. My siblings and I smiled at each other with a sense of belonging that at the ages of nine, eight, and five we had never felt. Our past was filled with neglect, and dominated by parents scarred by domestic violence and drug abuse. When we were removed we were placed in two foster homes that just perpetuated those memories and added a new layer of abuse. But finally— we were brought to loving people who took care of us and became our parents.
Now on August 20th 1998 it was official, we are a family. My sister Gabby and I in our pretty matching green dresses and my brother in his spiffy new suit had much to look forward to the next few days. After much paper work earlier that morning, then the court appearance, and the lunch at the Walnut Room in Marshall Fields, we would be the guests of honor at our adoption party the following day.
My parents had rented out the YMCA for a party with family and friends. We had spent many months preparing and planning the biggest party our family would ever throw. We each got to pick our favorite food to be catered and we created a special family program. My sister and I had decided that we wanted to do a duet to “Sisters, Sisters” by Irving Berlin, and practiced this for a month before the big day.
After a beach day at Foster Beach, we were excited to be on our way to the party. A bit late, we showed up and were showered with an immeasurable amount of love. In retrospect, it seems like an even bigger deal at 23 than it did when I was nine. We got there just in time for our hour of swimming— my parents had worked hard to rent out the entire pool. Following the swimming was food and the program. My sister and I went up there and performed our duet, which was the closest I ever got to a singing career. Family and friends filled the room, all in tears as my dad and mom told the story of us three little child coming into their homes and filling their lives with more joy and love than they ever could have imagined.
Their words and sincerity will forever be imprinted in my memories. The party had finished quicker than we all wanted it too, and it was time to go home–our forever home. Later that day we were told that my grandparents on my dad’s side had planned a special family reunion to Disney World for the following November. Our adoption day was and forever will be the happiest day of my life.
Happy National Adoption Day!
Tomorrow, Saturday, November 17, people all throughout the United States will recognize National Adoption Day. As part of this celebration, the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute wants to share “You Just May Be” a music video we produced in partnership with national singer-songwriter Karyn Williams. “You Just May Be” celebrates adoption and reminds individuals, families, and organizations all over the world that anybody can make the difference in the life of a child without a family. As Karyn tells us in the introduction, all you have to do is say, “Yes!”
Happy National Adoption Day!
Former Foster Youth Interns Featured on FamilyLife Today
In a special live edition of FamilyLife Today, hosts Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine interviewed two former CCAI Foster Youth Interns, Chey Gethers and Mary Lee. Chey and Mary spoke about their lives in the foster care system, the struggles they encountered and the people that helped them get to where they are today.
Chey entered the foster care system when she was a senior in high school. Her parents were alcoholics who abused and neglected her. Chey spent weeks at a time at friends’ houses, until one of her friend’s parents called the Department of Child Services (DCS). When her parents were informed that DCS would be making a home visit, they cleaned up the house and stopped drinking. But as soon as DCS left, things went back to the way they were.
After being kicked out of the house in the middle of the night, Chey called her case manager, who was able to see the reality of the situation and removed Chey from her parents’ care. The system would have put her in a group home because of her age, but Chey’s church decided that the state wasn’t doing enough to help her and they decided to “adopt” her. Her seventh grade Sunday school teacher, Sherry, stepped up to share her home with Chey. At her recent wedding, when the celebrant asked who gave Chey to be married, the whole congregation stood and said, “We do!” Chey now lives in Nashville and works as an analyst for the FBI.
Similar to Chey, Mary also entered foster care because she had been abused and neglected. When she was 16, after spending four years in foster care, Mary decided that what she really wanted was a forever family, so she went to court and had the judge terminate her parental rights. She was eligible for adoption at an age that many people considered “unadoptable.”
Mary made a scrapbook of her life to show potential adoptive families. One day, her adoption worker brought Mary a book made for her by a family that wanted to adopt her. When she opened it, she saw that it was the family of her DCS case manager. Now Mary is recently engaged, living in Memphis and working as an attorney and Business Development Specialist for Youth Villages, a non-profit that works with high-risk children and their families.
The program’s hosts had a surprise in store for Chey and Mary! Sherry, Chey’s seventh grade Sunday school teacher, and Scott, Mary’s former DCS case manager and adoptive father surprised them on stage! You can listen to the entire interview (including the surprise!) here: http://bit.ly/SgPuNf
2012 Foster Youth Interns Make their Voices Heard!
CCAI’s 2012 Foster Youth Interns (FYI) had a message to deliver to Capitol Hill: Here us now! The group of 13 former foster youth felt that for too long their voices had gone unheard, so on July 31, they released their Congressional Report and delivered an accompanying presentation to a captive audience which included Members of Congress, Hill staffers and representatives from several child welfare organizations.
For those who were unable to attend, you can watch the full briefing here.
Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute 